Basically, last Monday was horrible for me. Stress was building and building until Monday, my whole world exploded. (Well, it felt like it, anyway.) We've been under a lot of stress here lately because the Scholastic Audit people are coming in January and our principals want everything perfect for when they do come. (I'm not complaining about this. I know they're feeling pressured by their bosses who are feeling pressured by the state and the test scores.) Still, because of all this, 1.) I was stressed, and 2.) I'm having to multitask in my classroom to make sure I cover everything they want me to cover by the end of the semester.
Let me stop here a moment and say that my students are Pre-AP English students (10th grade), and they are reading Beowulf...er, they're supposed to be. I say supposed to be, because they informed me the week before last that they hated Beowulf, they weren't going to read it, and I could give as many pop quizzes as I wanted, they were never going to read Beowulf. (When I taught my students to think independently, no matter what their parents', friends', or teachers' views were, I didn't see it backfiring on me...oops.) Anyway, since they refused to read, it took us longer than it should have to finish the epic.
On top of that, we have a research project due at the end of the semester, and they had a Chunk Test coming up on Wednesday. This one was over expository writing, and our literacy coach wanted us to teach the research project stopping just long enough to teach expository writing. I did that and taught the expository writing on Monday and Tuesday, thinking it would be great to review that the two days before the test...Wrong!
My third period class was very upset about all the work we were doing (or were supposed to be doing...they were in the process of rioting) and debated whether or not I was a good teacher. Most of them seemed to either think I was or didn't care, but there were two or three that were trying to cause a mutiny in my classroom. That made me feel awful! Then my fifth period informed me I was wasting my time teaching them prewriting skills because they didn't prewrite for Chunk Tests and they didn't even take Chunk Tests seriously. "After all, we only have to have Chunk Tests because stupid people can't pass the big E.O.C. (end of course) test," they argued. Seventh period complained as well, so I felt as if half of my students hated me and the other half were indifferent. (Please keep in mind I had one sweet student that gave me a thank you card for helping her learn to love English, but it's hard to remember that when you feel so down.)
Needless to say, I went home, cried for an hour, fussed about it for an hour, and then typed up my letter of resignation, knowing I would never turn it in because the school needs me too much, and I have a few students that I have seriously connected with that I cannot leave to the wolves right now. That night, while I was tossing and turning, I played the day's events over and over in my head, looking for a solution...Oddly enough, the solution did not come that night, but would come in a wave of epiphanies throughout the week. Look for tomorrow's post to find out what they were.
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